I get by with a little help from my friends (& family)

Yesterday was a really hard day period between being asked to do free work for someone, which is what my last post was about, and just feeling discouraged in general I really did not feel like having the meeting that I needed to have yesterday.

But it happened

And I’m glad it did

A friend of mine presented me with an amazing opportunity. I’m talking a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end of it amazing opportunity except the entire rainbow is made out of gold too.

And my first response to it was “that impossible.”

I really don’t need the rest of the world to limit me, I do that just fine on my own

I have a really bad habit of letting myself get so caught up in my problems that I lose sight of my goals. I fight myself on a daily basis to keep my mind positive. And sometimes it’s exhausting, I’ve been known to go to bed super early because of it.

My friend suggested that I voice what I want because that’s the beginning of it all. Or better yet sketch it if I don’t have the words to say it. In this post I’m going to try and say and words and with my hands and going to try and sketch it out. I love women’s evening wear. And when I say evening wear I mean cocktail dresses to floor length gowns with beautiful long chiffon trains. I’m really not a t-shirt girl and you can tell because I only owned like four of them. I also love formal business wear for women. If I had to narrow it down to what sector of fashion that I would want to be on the most it would be those. Nothing excites me more than having somewhere to get dressed up for and go out to. So I’m going to really triple down on it.

She told me that I have to let my friends help me. But the phrase she used was something to the effect of you are not using me to your full advantage. I wanted to cringe when she first said that, I don’t like the idea of using my friends. I’m more like the idea of being useful to my friends. I have a very hard time putting myself first in any relationship because I always feel that my role is someone who should be helping someone else. But there is nothing I could offer this woman that would help her. I really have no idea why she’s friends with me I just feel incredibly blessed that she is. I really don’t deserve any of my friends. But they stick around for some reason so… I must not be that bad.

Now here comes the hard part communicating what I want to other people. I always ask for less than what I’m really thinking of. For example to this day I still say the word open When anybody asks me what I would like to be paid for a job . I don’t know how to muster up the courage to spit out a number. And I wish I was more bold. I promise to me in my head is a lot different than the me that’s in person. I’m still not anywhere near who I want to be yet. But I’m taking steps to get closer to her like no longer offering my work for free because my time is worth something that’s a small step.

I need to learn how to ask for help. Even asking my family for help when it comes to my daughter is hard for me. I’m sure they would be there for me if I really needed them I just don’t ask because I feel like it’s my problem and I need to fix it. But you can’t fix everything. And if I’m going to succeed at being the fashion designer that I’ve always wanted to be and the mom that I want to be now, I need to ask for help.

I can’t do any of this on my own.

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