You got Moxie

I love italian gangster movies. Goodfellas, A Bronx Tale, Scarface( sure he’s Cuban but in Versace so it still counts) ,The Godfather. Heat. Lost in Yonkers. I’ve seen them all. I’m still trying to figure out how many people Sunny could have fit in that bathroom, and if anybody detect any marital issues in Robert De Niro’s relationship I am not opposed to a large age Gap.

So today when a recruiter told me I had moxie over the phone, I took that as a very good sign .

Now I’m going to say something that I feel a lot of working single moms out there can identify with. It sucks feeling like you have to choose between your education, a full-time job, and being there for your kids. I really like school, I’ve always liked School. But school is not as much fun when you have a child who is depending on you, and can only work part-time hours. The job that I have been working for the last almost a year has been less than stable. And as of yesterday I was notified via text message that my job had became even more unstable.

I broke down and I cried. If it was just me, if I had to sleep in my car by myself, if I had to figure out how to take care of only myself. I don’t think I would have cried. But the fact is that when you have a child you’re only an overwhelming thought is how am I going to provide for this child. Only parents will understand what I’m talking about right now. I understand if you’re a single person you can be sympathetic but until you are looking at a smaller version of yourself , your own flesh and blood and you don’t have any idea how you are going to make it through the rest of the month let alone the rest of the year you have no idea what this level of scared is.

Friends gave advice where they could.

On the drive home I thought about what I would need to do in silence, I prioritized.

My number one priority is my daughter. Every second of every minute of every day she is. This has been true since the day she was born and this will be true until the day we are no longer together. So my first priority as a mother is to provide for her, that was simple. My second priority is to my goals. I had one goal since I was 9 years old and I’ve been telling you guys about this since this website was started. My goal is to be considered one of the greatest fashion designers and illustrators of my generation. And that goal cannot slow down for anything. Not my job search, not when I find a job, not when I can afford liberties that I would love to have now.

Until my dream is realized, it won’t be enough.

Dylan Thomas wrote the following poem:

My dream may only be realized at the end of my life. It may be said of me that I was one of the greatest fashion illustrators and designers of my generation before I get to read those words for myself in print . Before I get to hear them spoken from Anna wintour’s lips. It may only be said of me at my funeral. But while there is air in my lungs there is an opportunity for me to make that happen. And you better believe that’s going to be the most fashionable a funeral any of my friends have ever attended. I hear there’s a company that can turn you into diamonds. Isn’t it sad that I’ve planned my funeral better than I’ve planned my wedding? I always laugh at myself when I think about that.

I was honest with the recruiter over the phone about my dreams and ambitions. I was honest about the fact that I work, come home, take care of my daughter, and sit down at my desk and work some more.

I was told I have moxie. Which is one more word that I had before I started. I was also referred to another hiring manager for higher paying position. I hope I hear back from them soon.

These are custom illustrations that I made to go on my resume. Maybe you’ll see one.

I’m still breathing. So this will not break me.


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