A change is gone come.Until my change comes here’s what I’ll do

Lately I’ve been struggling. Call it jealousy or envy but it’s defiantly a green monster. Like some weird hybrid between the hulk and the Grinch. And it’s been here for the past week.

Yeah yeah I know I should be grateful. Yeah sure it’s getting better everyday. Blah blah blah it’s coming just wait and see. DO YOU ALL KNOW HOW SICK AND TIRED I AM OF HEARING THESE PHRASES?!?!? I’m sure you all mean well but I could go a month without it. For an artist with no patience this gets old fast.

I want you all to look through my eyes for a second. The world around me is growing. Let me paint the picture. Imagine every person on the planet, all 8 billion (or whatever) of us side by side. And in each of out cupped hands there is a small seedling. It kind of feels like shit ( sorry I’m just being real here) when you see everyone tree hugging their Giant Sequoia’s and yours looks like a bonsai.

BUT AERIAL, THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT!

THEN WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE I’M FLOODING MINE AND STILL STANDING IN MUD?!?!?

…………..

Now let’s put big green pissed off Godzilla aside for like 2 seconds…

I just started( thank the 2 wise women I consider my best friends for that answer)

Like sure I’ve doing this since I was 9 and it’s seems like FOREVER. But this is the first year I have ever devoted to putting my stuff out there… And I haven’t reached the 6 month mark yet….

did I mention that I have NO PATIENCE AT ALL????

I want so much, but I need to pace myself before I burn out.

Moreover I am well aware that not everyone is as blessed as they look to me. And some people are struggling with more than just my sparkling apple cider problems

Today in class my teacher showed us fashion illustrations that were made by a senior V.P. of a major department store…and they look like I could have made them when I was 10…..

He sold them for $500.00 each

All I can do is try my best to do more than the day before. Create in the hall way till a door opens up. It’s not in me to stop. I just need to look at it everyday with the same enthusiasm I look at a blank sheet of paper with.

Keep putting a little but of yourself in to everything that you do. Keep watering your grass and have faith. Keep looking for open doors.

Keep going

A.Holloway

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