This post contains sensitive, highly emotional material….as well as Kevin Hart memes. The events, characters, and profane inner monologue are all real. Reader discretion is advised.
You still here? …..
I’m debating whether or not I should discuss the following events in chronological order….. or by how hard I had to focus on resisting the urge to pop off……
I think chronological will make more sense….
We’ll start with Wednesday night. I was invited out to dinner after work with some friends that I have known for a very long time. Now when I use the term friends and I’m going to use this term a lot I don’t want you guys to get confused. Remember when I told you that there is a big difference between a friend…..and a next-level friend( Your a list people. The people who know the most about you. THE ONES YOU LET TALK TO YOU ANY KIND OF WAY b/c F*** YOUR FEELINGS…THEY ARE HERE TO MAKE THRUST GREATNESS UPON YOU….) That’s right y’all…this Wednesday I got Checked….. at dinner…. and it made me very uncomfortable. I was HEATED! ( I wrote that all in my Kevin Hart voice)
This was me
It wasn’t until we agreed to mutually split for space and after I left the restaurant that I went back to revisit the messages.
Now I’m sure we’ve all seen the YouTube video of Obama and his anger translator…..(it’s one of my personal favorites. I LOVE key and peele)
Wednesday night I had to make a call to the only male Next Level friend that I have. He and I have spoken almost every day for over 10 years… I think….
( really I’m just trying to focus on making this post not counting….)
My point is that I can count on him to give me a completely unbiased unemotional analysis of a situation. This is why he gives really good advice. That and he’s known me for so long, that he can almost immediately tell me what I need to do in order to change my thinking to see it more clearly.
This is why I tell you to keep your next level friends for your entire life.
And since I haven’t spoken to him about mentioning him in this post we will refer to him as “The Wolff”. The Wolf of Wall Street is a favorite movie of both of ours, it is also the last name of Christian Wolff, Ben Affleck’s character in The Accountant… And he is an accountant….
I proceeded to call the Wolff, and began with the disclaimer that I was going to do my best to explain everything in a non-emotional way in order to communicate effectively. I explained to him that I could not understand why my next level friend had felt the need to call me out on what I perceived was “my lack of Devotion to my business”.
He began with the following.” First you need to take all of your emotions out of it” (because facts don’t care about your feelings). “Next you need to trust that she meant what she said, that she is telling you this because she “believes in you, and is not going to let you fail.” ” You know that she wants the best for you, so really take some time and un emotionally reflect on what she told you.”
So there I was
On the floor in my room
And grinding my teeth
You ever reflect so hard that what you need to see in the mirror doesn’t hit you till the next day?
Enter in Thursday morning. I decided that I would get on the train earlier in the morning and go to school and work.
Because apparently I don’t work hard enough….( still heated)
Thank goodness I was able to recognize the kindness of a stranger, who shielded my Sketchbook from the rain with his umbrella while he got soaking wet and escorted me all the way from the train to my building.
After finishing some more work for a few hours it was time to go to my fashion illustration class. I completely forgot that I would be receiving my second evaluation back today until another student let me know that the teacher loved my sketches so much that she use them as an example to show the rest of the class.
… now my inner frown has turned upside down inside into THIS…cause I’m feeling smug af…
I’m pretty proud of myself, because I worked really hard on those figures. I was certain that I had earned full marks, after all she did show the class right?
My face after seeing my grade….
***** aggressively flips pages looking for comments******
“Next time Slim down busts and buttocks….”
Now I don’t know if any of my readers are teachers, but how Petty do you have to be to take off one point because I made my fashion figures a little too Curvy ? ( and not even that curvy, more like they squat and eat the occasional cheeseburger curvy….)
I decided right then and there that I may just fail this class on principle….
Luckily for us it was free work time for our next evaluation where we have to work on skin tones, and light sourcing. All I can say is Beatrice’s about to have the ultimate “Beatrice you thought ” moment… Because she hasn’t seen curvy yet
Here’s a sneak peak. And even though she told us to dress them lightly so we could use them later…… I’ve decided to dress them all in black lingere…..
Try me if you want to Beatrice
( side note my professor’s name is not actually Beatrice… just in case you read this)
So by the time I was heading home on the train I had plenty of time to think. I started by asking myself not what was wrong with my friend for confronting me about my work ethic, instead I decided to reflect on every minute of time that I had spent on not working on my business since January 1 2018.
And then I made this face
I’m going to be real honest with you guys. The reason why I was so heated, was because deep down I knew that she was right…..
This friend knows all about my time constraints in my life. And she also knows how bad I want to succeed. She knows all of the material things I would like, and she knows what it takes to get there. So her B.s. detector when it comes to work ethic is NEVER Wrong. We need our next level friends to call us out when we are slipping . When we are not giving our best, how can we expect to have the best. In the book that I told you guys about in my last post, one of the girls who was featured as someone who was crushing it in life made a very bold statement . & I genuinely believe that I came across this page on this day because I need to see it. She said something to the effect of she spent every spare minute that she had working on her business. I’m ashamed to say that since the beginning of the year I cannot with a clear conscience say that I’ve done the same thing .
So this is the change that I will have to make.
To those of you that I love dearly . That I have made it a point to see during the week or on the weekends, you will be seeing less of me. Because if I am not busy working at work or working at school or working to be a better mom I need to be working on my business. And if you love me the way you say you do you will understand. It doesn’t mean that I will never see you again, it only means that I need to be more selective with the amount of time that I spend out and not really doing anything that’s going to benefit my future. This in no way means that I love you any less. It only means that I need to love myself enough to know that I cannot put myself in situations where I am distracted.
I chose Rihanna for the cover photo of this post for a reason. In addition to being a very big fan of her work, I’m a very big fan of how disciplined she is at what she does and how she spends her time.
Criticism it’s a very good thing. It can teach you a lot about yourself . Sometimes that criticism comes from 3 best friends who desperately want to see you succeed, and sometimes it comes from those who mean well but do not really know you and what your about.
I’m glad I got to learn the difference.
Stick to the plan
Ps. Check out my latest work at
I think Beatrice would enjoy it