All Dressed up in Love

What’s your favorite romantic film/tv series?

Mine is Sex in the City. I have always loved the relationship between Carrie and Mr. Big. In spite of everything that they go through you know that they’ll end up together at the end of it. If you haven’t seen the television series or either one of the movies, and you have no plans this Valentine’s Day weekend, I expect a thank you for the recommendation.

Now romantic relationships are great. And I’m not just talking about the ones we see on TV. The real relationships we live in every day.

Ask anyone who’s ever been in a relationship with me and they can tell you I am a huge fan of “comfy love.” The kind where your hair is up in a bun and you’re wearing his oversized sweatpants. Binge-watching your favorite HBO series that you both have vowed you will never watch with anybody else or without each other. (Game of Thrones, West World…. I’m looking at y’all). Cooking breakfast for dinner together in the kitchen while singing /rapping along to your favorite hip-hop and 90’s R&B tracks. Matching Adidas by the door.

Going out and getting dressed up is great! Fancy dates are definitely not out. But nothing beats a rainy day in with the one you love.

So while you’re waiting for this great love to come along, what do you do?

Sure you could give your thumb a great workout by swiping left or swiping right on a dating app. Some would say this approach is proactive. That you are opening yourself up to any and all possibilities and the likelihood that you will find the person that you’re looking for goes up.

I disagree.

But not with the use of a dating app necessarily. I think you’re doing it in the wrong order.

I learned this from reflecting on my own life. And watching Carrie’s.

In addition to sharing a love for fashion and expensive Footwear, Carrie and I shared something else in common. We were terrible at choosing the right person for us at the right time.

We searched for a relationship with love and meaning and validation. Someone to tell us that we were worthy of love.

Go look in the mirror.

The person you are staring at is the only person you need to give you all of those things. What I Love About Sex In The City is that Carrie learns to fall in love with herself. To dress herself daily in love and that she needed no permission from any man to do so. This I believe is the most beautiful thing any of us can learn… To love ourselves

It has taken me years of failed relationships. Years of asking myself and others what’s wrong with me and why I am still single. Years of Self Doubt, and a lack of self-esteem.

Those are years I can never get back.

Like we all do early in the new year I decided to make some changes. I vowed three things to myself as far as I was concerned with love .

One. In an effort to better love my fellow man I would live out this principle… If I lacked it, I would give it…

If I felt that I was being ignored, I would find someone who looks lonely and I would give them my full attention. If I met someone who had less than I did and asked me for a dollar, I would give it if I had it in my wallet even though I wish I had more money. If I felt that I lacked a kind word, I would speak nothing but kind words to every stranger I meant in an effort to make their day.

Number 2. That I would remember my worth, and would never be anyone’s second choice or backup option. I’m a first pick. A keeper. Someone Love’s going out of their way to show the person they love that they love them. This is a dangerous thing to be, because most of the time it’s easier to find the ones who want to take advantage. The trick, is requiring anyone who is interested to earn your love. Now I’m not talking about dollars and cents. I have been in relationships with men of varied economic backgrounds. And I can tell you that some of the most romantic gestures I’ve ever received have been the most simple. Effort does not always equal cash.

And number 3, the most important. that I would not wait for someone else to love me . That I was worthy of Love everyday. And that I would love myself everyday. I Would buy myself beautiful roses if I desired them. I would take long bubble baths if I felt I needed to relax. I would listen to songs that tell me over and over again how beautiful I am, and learn to appreciate my cocoa brown skin, my hair that defies gravity, my full lips, my curves. That I would love my mind and develop it by learning something new. That I would treat myself as a long-term investment. That I would become the woman of my own dreams.

I’m still working on this one. I’m still learning how to draw the fashion figure. Hands are a pain in my back side. And the gloves kind of remind me of gauntlets… But I love the series that I’m doing inspired by high tea. I always thought that Petit fours we’re one of the cutest things about tea time. Also full well knowing that if I was ever invited to a high tea that manners would go out the window and I would probably stuff my face. Lol . And that’s okay.

Love is a wonderful thing. Something that you can show yourself and others everyday. Don’t wait until Valentine’s Day weekend to do it.

Love yourself♡

Love others♡

And know that I love You♡

A. Holloway

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